Jaclyn wrote an amazing post today about so many of the challenges that are facing women and parents in our culture. I think it was incredibly brave of her to post something so personal and divisive for everyone to see. The fact that someone felt the need to attack her for it struck a cord with me. It doesn’t feel like she was attacking just Jaclyn but like she was attacking every parent who decides to do anything she doesn’t agree with. Her issue seems that Jaclyn claimed that their lifestyle is comfortable so in this person’s mind, Jaclyn should quit her job and take care of her daughter full time. Let’s not even get into the fact that she automatically assumes it would be the woman to stay home because that is a whole other issue. My main issue with the commenter is she just assumes that giving up a comfortable lifestyle is the best thing for a child and it’s family. 

Husband and I live what I would describe as a comfortable lifestyle and we both work. We are lucky enough to be able to utilize family to care for Miles when we need to but we have a running dialogue about daycare/nanny/other options because sometimes I feel like we are imposing on family and it can be hard to get consistent care. Yes, we have the option of going down to one income and paying our bills but we would have to give up our comfortable lifestyle. We wouldn’t be able to go out to eat or go to plays or concerts or baseball games and spend days in the wine country. None of this would mean the end of the world but I just listed many of the things that husband and I enjoy doing and that leave us feeling refreshed and connected. These are the activities we enjoyed before Miles and that we continue to enjoy on a much less frequent basis. These activities also allow us to be the best parents possible. Without the option to do the things we enjoy, we would both be much more stressed as would our relationship. We would take it out on each other and Miles would feel the increased tension in the house. Additionally, the comfortable lifestyle we lead allow us to do things for Miles we think are important like his co-op, museum membership, zoo membership, and various other activities. It allows us to buy him a toy or book that he is obsessed with without feeling like it will impair our ability to pay our bills. 

We both work because this is the lifestyle that we want to provide for Miles. A lifestyle that shows him that I am more than just his mom, that I am a person with my own interests and passions and he is the primary, but not only, one. We want to show him that our family is larger than just a mom/dad/child but is the community he is being raised in. We want to show him that his parents love each other and enjoy each other’s company and the company of their friends and that he is not always a part of that. When he is old enough, we want to introduce him to various experiences like theater and live music and many of the other options that this area provide but they all cost money. That isn’t to say that everything we do costs money because that isn’t the case but a lot of it does. Even getting into the public hiking spaces and beaches around here require an entrance fee. We have decided, as parents, on the best way to raise our son. Just because we do so with both parents working to provide what can only be called a comfortable lifestyle doesn’t mean that other people should automatically assume that we are making the wrong decision. Just as Jaclyn and her husband decided on the best way to raise their daughter. I think it is ridiculous that someone felt the need to critique her for that and assume that they know a better way. 

  1. naminurse said: As someone who has been a caregiver for many families, I can say that the best children have both parents working to some extent and those parents take time for their relationship outside of the children as well.
  2. jenandginger said: This is so how I feel!! And one of several reasons I’m hoping to go back to work.
  3. nyclust said: thank you for articulating what i have been trying to say all day. i was SO enraged!
  4. hershapeinthedoorway said: Just checked out that idiotic attack… Some people.
  5. kate-plus-camera said: oh tumblr drama—it never ends. i think jaclyn’s post was incredibly reasonable. i haven’t seen any responses. (out of the loop!)
  6. babybirdblue posted this